South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
