I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
