My room smells like vodka and shame
i just google imaged poop.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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