im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I had to cum in my sink.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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