Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
