awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
