do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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