We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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