Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
