forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
