Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
