Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
