trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
