Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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