I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
