Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
