it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Randomize
