yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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