Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
