Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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