So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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