I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
