The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
