Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize