he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
