i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
