last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
