I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
