he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
