I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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