you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im just a social blackout drinker.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
