R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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