It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
