this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize