You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
