Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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