I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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