I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
