are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
