we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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