What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We just shotgunned beers for America
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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