True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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