Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
