so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
