Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My vagina just recognized that song.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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