awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
