If that was your dad, he is hot
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
