Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
