Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
