We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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