Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
