is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
