She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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