Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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