I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
