Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I CAN MOONWALK!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
