Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
