so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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