I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
