I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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