just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
