Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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