After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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