Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
A bitchslap is in order.
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