This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
