Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
