does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
