If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
