Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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