She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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