I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
